Articles such as these remind me of WHY I put so much effort into teaching my children how to behave. One kid crying in a store for candy wouldn’t be so bad….SEVEN kids crying for candy….that’s a nightmare. Our families are sending a message, good or bad.

I didn’t read through all of the comments but some of them are very contrary to most home school families thinking. I don’t know of one family who wants to “build a compound” to keep our kids minds from being “contaminated”. Neither do we think our kids need 6+ hours a day with anti-God, cursing, bad attitudes, bullying, etc. in order to learn “social graces”. No. If home schooled children are misbehaving, it’s not because they lack social skills…it’s generally because they lack parents who are willing to do what it takes to teach these kids to use their social skills. And if those same parents had those kids in a public school, then the kids would just be yet another bad example of kids with bad social skills…only this time the parents would blame the public school….and the kids would have learned how to look “cool” while being bad.

In all fairness though Carrie I don’t see how this post reinforces a stereotype when undisciplined, raised-like-wolves children isn’t what the stereotype is to begin with.

I’d have to say that the “stereotypes” that I see out there about homeschooling fall more under the categories of:
1. cultish
2. isolationist
3. sheltered kids who have a complete lack of social skills for the real world and shrink into the wallpaper when they have to deal with strangers and
4. atrociously bad, matchy-match clothing that looks a bit freakish

Unruly kids, who not only get a pass from their parents but whose behavior is barely even noticed, wouldn’t be a stereotype I’d think of right off the bat.

and yet this is an issue that has come up again and again and again. I don’t know if we are to be so grateful that these people are actually living out their catholic marriage vows regarding being open to life that we are expected to just hold our collective tongues or what. When I’ve tactfully mentioned the unwelcome and atrocious behavior, I have repeatedly been treated to an attitude of superiority. As in: we are more Catholic than the pope and you couldn’t possibly understand.

I see an astonishingly bad example on our Catholic families parts in not even attempting to teach these kids basic social graces. Perhaps they do indeed need to brush shoulders and rub up against the Great Unwashed a little more often, despite their fears of contaminating the wee ones’ minds, so as to simply teach them how civilized society acts. Because at some point, unless they’re going to build a compound, they’ll have to venture out and contribute to the world outside their fences. And in that world, immoral as it may be, some basic rules apply.

I also don’t see the same problem among the large Protestant homeschooling families that I know.

Those who complained or were offended really need to calm down and re-read your ENTIRE article. As explained, the title was tongue-in-cheek, and geared to get readers to read it (and it worked!) but I have learned over the years that some people really dislike anything that smacks of sarcasm. Personally, I like it!
You asked for thoughtful feedback, and until the end, you got it. The points made were very valid. Even the best of us needs a wake-up call sometimes. And with homeschooling families, sometimes it’s really hard to confront a good friend and say, hey, want some help with your kids? Because they often are offended. I think putting this in a public forum was a fantastic idea, doesn’t corner any one person (you don’t have to read it, after all), and I think some people took what you said far too seriously or focused too much on things that weren’t even said but that they themselves were touchy about.
Thank you for putting it on the table. It needed to be said!

That is something in the blogging world that irritates me no end. Well…that and thin skinned whiners. Unfortunately the two tend to go hand in hand and one finds that those who don’t read an entire post but glom onto its title or one or two paragraphs tend to be the “rash” commenters.

Case in point:
Michael, you actually (with a straight face and all) want to label this post as HATE MAIL?? really?? because I figured you couldn’t possibly be serious about that. Neither “by fact nor intention” is this post hate mail. Frankly, the title is what the behavior of some of these families causes the world at large to feel. And that is unacceptable and should be publicly discussed. That sort of “witness” from them is what’s called into question.

what would charity have looked like in your world Michael?
privately taking the people aside and no one ever being able to discuss this important topic in the public light of day?

There is no logic to your stating that this has “weakened the church’s foundation”, “laid ground work for tearing it down”, and has “harmed the integrity of the Church”.

apart from the fact that all those things are impossible by nature, I think that if one actually feels that broaching this subject is THAT harmful and that this post is THAT dangerous then they need to come out of their super insulated home environment and get a load of the real world.

wow peoples.
wow.

This is my last comment.
I’m not gonna say any more here. I’m canceling the trackback on the comments just because the amount of anxious, don’t give the world ammunition against us, over-reactionary whining going on here is more than a logical adult can put up with….without utterly losing their patience.

it’s abnormal.
and sad.
….ranks right up there with those who want everything so “positive” all the time that we can’t score little league games anymore. I suppose we shouldn’t ever talk about the sex scandal either. That might be uncharitable and negative too.

I didn’t write about Democrats or public school kids because they aren’t out there providing witness (good or bad) for large families. I specifically wrote about large homeschooling families because they are very visible witnesses to their vocation. Sometimes they give a good witness sometimes they give a bad one. Unfortunately, when it is bad, it is extra noticeable because of the size of the family.

This fallacy in the way you state your argument leaves room fro counter arguments. I have spent a good deal of time around public schoolers; the amount of profanity and sexuality that spews from their mouths is frightening. This argument would hold no ground to this article if you had written about how Catholics (not just homeschooling ones, but all) are called to witness. However you made this mistake and I want it answered. Where is the post “I hate public schoolers?” Where is the post “I hate democrats?” Where is the post “I hate Islam?” Don’t you see that this article rather than building up the Church lays ground work for tearing it down. Rather than cementing the stones of the Church you have weakened the foundation through this terrible article and lack of charity. Yes, correction is necessary, but this isn’t correction this is a blatant lack of charity. Charity is the most important of virtues, the apex of the crown, the brilliant diamond which crowns all virtues. By undermining this virtue you have harmed the integrity of the Church.

If you did not mean you hate large homeschooling catholic families then you should not have said it. These are the words that scar. Next time point out what is wrong and show a solution don’t just attack people, and be positive. This article is rife with negativity which is why it has hurt so many people.

Out.

I’m all in favor of large families (we have nine kids). What I don’t like, which is what you brought up, is families who don’t consider the witness they present when they are in public. It is one thing to see a wild child that the parents are trying to get under control and a completely different thing to see a wild child who is in control. Telling the difference is very easy.

That is what my post was about – parents who don’t think they are responsible for training their families to serve as good witnesses in the world.